Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Karan Chronicles!!!

Its funny how alcohol works as a stress buster and a truth serum all at the same time.Some time back when I was in Pune, I received a call from Karan - another equally(if not more) hopeless romantic and a quintessential loser in matters of the heart. A li'l insight into Karan would read something like this - An otherwise normal guy leading a normal life.Life would have been smooth and a bump free ride had he not fallen for a girl-sorry-goddess,named Parul. The girl was way
beyond his league.How way?....way-way! It was a mystery how she had fallen for this dork in the first place.But that is beyond the discussion now.Everyone makes mistakes & everyone realises them sooner or later.Even Parul realised it & left Karan to marry a rich hoteliar.
AWWWWW!!poor guy!!(hahahahahaha-wicked laughter).

Anyways Karan was coming over to my place & in his typical lame Barney-way he exclaimed,"This is gonna be legen--wait for it--dary, yeah legendary!" I knew it right then, that,this was gonna be just like any other evening - getting sloshed to the hilt & passing out someplace between the door and the bed. We went to Kiva lounge - a nice place in Kirkee,Pune. Little did we know then that the place was a hotbed for cupid-struck couples. The ambience was amazingly romantic with only candles flickering on every table. Good music playing in the backdrop added
to it.

With only couples donning every table in sight we felt like couple of gays walking through the door. Not one to be bogged down by societal norms,Karan persuaded me to take the table. With 180ml of his fav spirit in his blood stream he started loosening up(not that he was uptight before). The loud banter,staring right through me with eyes wide open,the constant demand for hi-five's,spilling of food on the table & the clumsy holding of the cutlery were all indicators
'alcohol taking over senses' syndrome. Yet another quarter down, and the series of phone calls started making their rounds. Old crushes, ex-gf's, would be gf's, probable gf's, friends's gf's - almost every girl possible was called. All this while I was looking at the adjacent tables,watching the couples canoodling and coochie-cooing. Truthfully,I was feeling jealous. With such an amazing ambience,great food,alcohol & good music I was stuck with a modern day Devdas to spend my evening. Well, I decided to play my role as Chunni to perfection that evening!

With another round of drinks down our throats I did the unthinkable - I mentioned Parul(wicked me). Karan went berserk after that. What followed next can best be described in two words - 'Vengeance Drinkin!' Then came the lull in the battle - a point wherein your blood reaches alcohol saturation point. I went out to get some fresh air & away from those (by now very irritatingly) love struck couples. I returned back to find my friend sitting at a humanly impossible angle on the chair with his chin dropping to the ground. I realised that the guy was sloshed beyond repair."You have seen enough action soldier!",I remarked and helped him to his
feet. We started our weary journey back. By that time even my speech was slurred and vision blurred. But still, I was the better of the two. As we were walking through the door I noticed Karan wearing a sweatshirt. He definitely was not wearing one when we came. Or was he? The alcohol had definitely frozen my senses and wiped out the memory chip in my brain.We went home & crashed onto our beds.

The next morning,as always,was full of headaches,giddy feelings and uneasiness.I wriggled out of bed and my eyes darted to the sweatshirt hanging."Nice sweatshirt", I mentioned hoping to elicit some kinda response. All I got was a half drunk-half puzzled look from Karan. "Please dont tell me that's not your's",I remarked. "NO!It isnt." "WTF!...who's is it then?"
"I dont know",he mentioned. Till date we have no idea how that sweatshirt landed up on Karan.
To make matters worse it smelled of some girly perfume.
Karan's conclusion - It belonged to a girl - his soulmate maybe!
My conclusion - Belonged to an apparently very gay guy who "made merry" while I was away and maybe left a souvenier.
Whatever it was, Karan still clings on to that piece of clothing at night, all the time dreaming(read fantasising) about his "soulmate" he nearly brushed into on that fateful evening in Pune.

P.S - Some facts from the real incident have been left out on purpose by the writer.Penning them down here would probably mean the end of the civilised road for Karan. So, I'll keep them a secret - for the time being,that is!!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Just another day in 'PARADISE'!!

I just finished a book - 'Ofcourse I Love you.....till I find someone better' by Durjoy Datt and Manvi Ahuja. Nothing spectacular about the book but there has been an attempt to portray the gen X and their wild lifestyles. Totally a mediocre book....definitely not in the league of 'Five point someone'. The protagonist and his friends(both male & female) are some kind of sex raging machines hunting down one prey after another. Reading it made me conscious of my own inability
(read opportunity) to indulge in such promiscous behaviour. The protagonist almost
gets laid wherever he goes. it that easy? Or is this just another attempt by IIT/IIM grads to derive sadistic pleasure by describing explicit details of my generations sexual escapades(also known as sexcapades) so that guys like me who arent so cool or who dont indulge in promiscuity are pushed to the edge of an unending pit of inferiority complex.

Another totally pointless thing in my life happening at around this time is the phone talk I have with a girl I dont even like. These late night phone convo's started as harmless flirting but we ended up talkin mush recently.Things started taking an ugly turn when in a drunken stupor I started getting thoughts of committing to her(Gasp!).Just when I was gonna call her I received
a msg which read 'Wassup?'. This was the breaking point - the quirk of fate! For the past fortnight whenever she wanted me to call (which was generally at late nights)this was the msg she sent.My msg inbox was flooded with only this word from the past fortnight. I mean, come on....
cant you get just a bit original...
a li'l bit creative in atleast initiating the conv.
My drunken stupor was immediately broken(a dumb girls msg works as an antidote to these drunken fits of romance). I switched my phone off and went to sleep with a smile on my face. After all, it is not everyday that one has such narrow escapes.

Just the other day, me & a junior decided to go for a movie - 'Love Aaj kal'. At the very last minute the junior was called for something much more important(read girlfriend). So now I was stuck with two tickets for a movie which seemed mushy. Another friend and his gf were coming for the same show. So I asked him to get another female for the movie. Wat started out as a request ended up with me pleading,convincing and finally asking him to get somebody.He flatly
refused. Sheesh! much for friendship.So I finally watched three hours of Saif-Deepika intimacy and their antics, all ALONE!..I swear I could've switched on my phone and blared the song "Lonely.....I am soo lonely" right in the middle of the theatre. To add to my misery I could hear(I preferred not to watch) girls giggling as their bf's acted 'naughty'. I could hear whispering and I imagined that they all were laughing at me sitting all alone(with my bike helmet resting on the vacant seat). Were they??....I'm not sure....the movie was strictly average(since I couldnt relate to any part - neither the falling in love part nor the falling
out of love part). 'Hangover' seen the previous night was much better since I could relate to it(minus the strippers ofcourse).....well...born in the wrong country it seems...huh??