Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Metamorphosis!!

Here is an account of how life's changed for me in the past year or so……
(resemblance to any person living ,dead or in the transitional phase is purely fictitious)
SCENE 1 : Posted in some far off land…..7 days left to go home!
Transcript of a conversation….
Before :

Me: Oye…I’m goin on leave next week…need nething from Bombay?
Loser 1: Get Katrina kaif…..(pauses)…chal get rakhi sawant only….
(laughter)…….(still more laughter)
Loser 2: Yaar…..my girls in B’bay….you mind sending her some roses on my behalf?
(wrinkling of nose….tch tch sounds…..and all the necessary melodrama)
Me: Sure dude…nething…want me to give her some kisses and hugs too??...from your behalf…of course!!!
(guffawing…laughter ….tears rolling down our eyes….cramps in stomach)

After :
Me: Oye….I’m goin on leave next week….do you know any nice places for a romantic dinner in Bombay?
Loser1: (smirking)I know a dhaba…..the waitress there is a look alike of Rakhi Sawant…..or better still therez another place where the waitresses do the Munni Badnaam dance……
(lots of laughter around)
Loser 2: Dude…..(giving me sympathetic looks)…get a life bro! How long are you gonna be in this ‘Lesbian relationship’?


SCENE 2: SATURDAY EVENING IN A LOUNGE….
BEFORE:

Me : Yaar, I think I’ll settle down somewhere in the Himalayas…..total tranquility….just me, my 2 Great Danes and a mountain Pony….
2 pegs down: Dude…I think you should go to the Alps(stares into oblivion)
4 pegs down: Bro….I’m goin to Afghanistan. I’ll start my own poppy cultivation there!
6 pegs down: Guys….(slurred speech)….i fink I’m gonna fuke…..oops….I mean…puke…….(drops down on couch)

AFTER:
Me: I think I should start saving for a house. I’m looking for a MHADA scheme to come up in the suburbs.
2 pegs down: Dude….I think you should go to the Alps(stares into oblivion)
4 pegs down: Bro….I’m goin to Afghanistan. I’ll start my own poppy cultivation there!
6 pegs down: Guys….(slurred speech)….i fink I’m gonna fuke…..oops….I mean…puke…….(drops down on couch)


SCENE 3 : At a friends wedding…
BEFORE:

Me: What a fool!!...even suicide bombers have a better chance of living than him(nods head disapprovingly)
Loser 1: …..and the girls such a bitch!(smiles at the bride)….last Saturday she dragged him out of the pub at 11 and rebuked him for drinking too much…the poor guy couldn’t break his 8 pegs record….the BITCH!!
Loser 2: He’s such an arse….last month he didn’t turn up for my ‘STILL-A-BACHELOR’ party….he had to go for her chacha’s nephews kids 1st b’day!!!!

AFTER:

Me: (inquiringly)…how much did they pay the caterers? I’m sure the ring must’ve cost him a fortune!! I think I shud get the jewellers address from him….
Loser 1: (shrugging his shoulders)…do u really need to give such an expensive ring?? Imagine the amount of liquor that kinda money could buy…(stares at an imaginary cabinet full of liquor)
Loser2: We could even buy(lowers his tone) marijuana and Cuban cigars alongwith the liquor(also stares into an imaginary cabinet stashed with marijuana and Cuban cigars)…..

DISCLAIMER : All characters and locations in this story are fictional,this story is entirely a figment of my not so fertile imagination. Any resemblance to any living person has to be forgiven taking into account my infertile intellect. If any of you think that this disclaimer was added to save my backside,you are darned right.I have only one and I plan on keepin it!!!!!

2 comments:

Blogging Ibex said...

:) Congratulations..and good to see you back on the blogger.

vipers den said...

@blogging ibex: Thnx....i feel good to be back after such a long hiatus.....